Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
