I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
