just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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