I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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