I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
