At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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