My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
