I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
