I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
