the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
