I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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