at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
