Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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