I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cannot find my penis.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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