dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
