The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
