I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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