did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
