And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Farmville is her only friend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
