the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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