Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
