just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
