I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
