He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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