tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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