dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
