quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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