Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do vagina's smell?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
