Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
