Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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