I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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