Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
