if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
