no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
