remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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