He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
