I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
