I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
