Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
