Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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