I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
