Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
