Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
