Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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