Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
