Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
