phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
