Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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