did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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