It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I cut my penus on the lid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
