you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
