Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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