I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
